Good Riddance, 2009

The ironic thing is that, for the first time in years, I had a plan. Granted, it wasn't a detailed plan. But it was still a plan, and that was a damn sight better than I'd managed to muster since the early days of 2006. As 2009 began, I was more than a little frightened, but excited to see where the plan would ultimately take me.

And then everything fell apart before January had even ended.

I've gone through a lot of conflicted emotions this year, and there have been moments that don't make me particularly proud in retrospect. There are certain things I still think about every day. But perhaps by necessity, I've disconnected myself emotionally from them. I can still remember how they felt, but I don't feel them anymore. I try not to consider where exactly that puts me.

I've been down a dozen roads this past year, trying to do more than just remember. None of them have led me very far before they ran out. I'd like to think just trying will make a difference.

Of course, it hasn't helped that just about everything else in my life decided that 2009 would be a great time to break. That includes my own body, as it turns out. I've dealt with a bad roof, bad plumbing, car trouble, and I nearly seriously injured myself in a freak accident. I've accumulated numerous pains and managed to put on even more weight. I'm sure I've left out a bunch of fun business, too.

Oh, and then my older sister died unexpectedly in September.

I'm still not sure how I struggled through these last 12 months. I'm sure a large amount of credit for that goes to my friends. Though some of those relationships grew distant during 2009, I am pretty sure my friends made it a lot easier to make it. This probably doesn't sound like a major revelation, but for someone who has felt isolated most of his life, it was reassuring to know I didn't always have to be alone.

Creatively, I've achieved some triumphs. I finished what I think is one of the better stories I've ever written, which is all the more remarkable considering the turmoil I was in while working on it. There was also this blog. Originally created as something of an afterthought in January, it has evolved into one of the purest expressions of my unique worldview that I've ever crafted. I derived considerable satisfaction shaping it during 2009, and plan to continue making it something special for me in the coming year.

I have a lot I need to do in 2010. I need to finally bring closure to a project that has dragged on much longer than it was originally envisioned. I need to shape up and stop letting myself fall further into decline. I need to at least begin the task of finding myself again, and where I go from here - in all its many permutations. It's a tall order.

Right now, as the minutes tick away, what I need most is to put 2009 in my rearview mirror. I'm tired of rehashing my many misfortunes, tired of mourning my losses, tired of wondering why, tired of whining, tired of crying, and tired of being so damn tired all the time. I deserve better than I've gotten, and at least some (if not most) of the fault is my own. It's time for my life to turn around, and a new year sounds as good a place as any for that to begin.

It's not hopeless. I've seen glimmers of what could be. Maybe they will end up becoming more fully-realized in the days to come. But right now, they are just hints of what could be.

Good-bye, 2009. You weren't the worst year of my life, but you tested me. Now let's see what 2010 has to offer.

Covered by Elvis?

As you might recall, three weeks ago I wrote about the lack of Elvis Presley in the so-called "Classic Rock" format. This entry generated a bit more discussion than usual, and that didn't really surprise me. I mean, love him or hate him, Elvis is a kind of inescapable figure in our culture, no? That's part of why we've come back to "The King" today.

You see, my musings on Presley's place in the current radio firmament did not spring out of a void; rather, it was an outgrowth of another, more whimsical question that has dogged me for years. Elvis Presley's death was, shall we say, somewhat untimely. The man was only 42 when he died. Let's say that Elvis had lived to a ripe old age - a minimum of another 20 years. There is no telling what he could have done musically in that time.

If you were paying attention to the title, you see where I'm heading. I have often wished that Elvis could have lived to record cover versions of certain pop songs that probably never occurred to him while he was alive. As the inimitable Damon Foster pointed out to me on Facebook, you can get an idea what this might have been like from certain Elvis impersonators. He cited The King ("Smells like Teen Spirit", "Whole Lotta' Rosie", "Somethin' Else") and the Las Vegas act Metal Elvis ("Burning Love" mixed with "Paranoid"). I also remember a band called Dread Zeppelin, which was fronted by an Elvis soundalike singing reggae versions of Led Zeppelin songs.

Those are all cool, but I can't help but wonder what it would have been like for the real Elvis to put his stamp on songs we don't identify with him. The two that have always haunted me are the Doors' "Light My Fire" and Billy Idol's "White Wedding". Really, you could pick any Doors or Billy Idol original, but those two in particular capture my imagination when I think of Elvis covering them.

So today's post asks a question, which is this : If Elvis had lived, what song(s) do you wish he would have recorded? When I posted this on Facebook, Danny Tokarz admitted that he would have loved to hear the King cover the Misfits' "Vampira", and my younger sister Amy Elam admitted to a fondness for Presley taking a crack at Nelly's "Hot In Here". Now, gentle reader, it is time for YOU to chime in, and let your voice be heard on this vital question for our civilization.

The Incredible Melting Man

(link)

I have never seen THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN. Actually, I should amend that to say that I have no real desire to see THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN. It doesn't sound like it's my sort of thing, and it's also supposedly not very good. Yeah, yeah, some wiseacre out there is thinking that it being not very good should make it exactly my sort of thing. Hush.

On the other hand, I saw this TV spot a lot when the movie was new. It traumatized me as a child. Gimme a break, I was only 5! It is one heck of an awesome ad. The editing is first-rate, and Adolph Caesar's voiceover work is as remarkable as always. This spot almost makes me want to see a movie like THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN!

ROJ Will Return In 2010

Honest.

I can't call 2009 a wasted year in terms of my long-suffering website www.returnofjetman.com, but it wasn't everything it could have been. A new episode premiered in March, there have been a couple of new sets of Production Notes, and there were several new art pieces by my amazing contributors. Oh yeah, I would have totally taken that at this time last year. But...I wanted more. There could've been more. Unfortunately, every time I got into a groove, I promptly got out of it. Very unsatisfying.

As I felt compelled to announce on the site itself nearly four (!) years ago, I didn't start this to not see it through to a finish. There is an ending, and I'm currently staring it right in the eye. Given that 2010 will be the 15th anniversary of the creation of ROJ, I have a little extra incentive to get on the stick and do this thing.

There are elements of the 7th episode already completed. With determination and perhaps a little luck, we'll have seen the finished product by this time next year. The site itself will probably always be a work-in-progress, but it's way past time for the narrative to reach a conclusion.

Thanks to all the people who have lent their talents to building ROJ, and of course, the readers who enjoy it. As I work on my little corner of the Internet, might I suggest supporting the real thing if you haven't already?

"Fake" Korean "Anime" DVDs

That's more quotes than usual in a title. I feel vaguely like a 1980s Jack Kirby character. (inside joke for you comic fans)

Not too many years ago, a small budget DVD company named Digiview put out a number of titles that, at first blush, looked for all the world like Japanese animation. But they weren't. Instead, they turned out to be KOREAN animation, and not especially good examples. Dubbed into English and licensed by the fine folks at IFD Films, they are amazingly awful. And yet, I cannot find it in my heart to hate them. They cross the line from being bad to a realm where it is one of life's sweet mysteries how they even exist.

I think Digiview is gone now, but I am quite possibly mistaken about this. IFD is still out there, as you can see here and here if you must. And I never managed to get quite all of those DVDs. But I do have a lot of them, and all they're doing is sitting in a box. I could give them away, but that would just be mean to someone. No no, I think I'll try to take a look at a few of them next year, and post the unholy results for all to see.

Be afraid.

Words To Live By

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

--Steve Martin, Pure Drivel

Season's Beatings!

Saaaaay, why aren't you in bed? Don't you know what will happen if Santa catches you spying on him? I think the above picture by Keith Giffen & Bob Oksner (from an Ambush Bug book, © DC Comics) should convince you that getting on Kris Kringle's bad side isn't the best of ideas.

...Eek, what am I still doing up????

Merry Christmas, and a Happy Holiday to all!

An Entry With No Name

So I was sitting around trying to come up with a suitable blog entry, and decided that my best bet would be to compose something completely incomprehensible to those of you who read my feeds. This will only make sense in the original context of my blog, which is "Christopher Elam's OWARI" and located right here - if that isn't where you are in the first place.

It can be confusing writing to multiple audiences, friends.

I'm on a bit of a posting sabbatical at the moment, as I've been working on some other things instead of the blog. Occasionally, that has included my fairly new Twitter. I've been using it as something of a proving ground for some material, and also random observations that don't merit an entry devoted entirely to them. I may, however, gather some of my favorites into a post soon.

I quietly changed the look of my sidebar not very long ago, too. The Blog Links are now ordered by most recent post, and include the title of the most recent entry. Neat little gadget there, Blogger! New additions are the blogs of Roy Ware and Frank Kurtz, two talented gentlemen who both played an unknowing role in the original launch of OWARI all those years ago. Also worth noting is that my friend Sara has been blogging more actively lately. She's recently added ads to her blog, so she urges you to spend money if you visit it!

That's really all I've got right now, except to remind you that ALL of those links in the sidebar are worth your time. That's why they're there! I'll try to return before Christmas, but I'm not making any promises either.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

• 45 RPM records
  
• Akihiko Hirata
  
• Annette Haven
  
• "Baker Street"
  
• Big Bang Comics
  
• billiards
  
• Bugs Bunny
  
• comic books
  
• Dick Dillin
  
• dogs playing poker
  
• Ghostbusters
  
• gummi candy
  
• Hong Kong dubbing
  
• Japanese Sci-Fi
  
• Katakana
  
• Mark Jackson, Diamond G-Man
  
• Mid-South Wrestling
  
• Orange Crush
  
• "purple monkey telescope"
  
• Tokyo Tower
  

An Idea Ahead Of Its Time

Tangentially, I've often fantasized about gathering a big bunch of animation fans of all kinds, ponying up a small amount of money each, and beginning a cable TV channel which would show nothing but cartoons, from sign-on-to-sign-off -- in their entirety, black and white if they were made that way, theatrical and television, from every studio and every country, the pure entertainment to the experimental. There's certainly plenty of material available, and who knows how successful it could be; as a unique cable service among the myriad carbon-copy movie channels, it could very well end up beamed all over the country.[...]I'm sure the day will come when someone else will come up with the idea, and will become fabulously rich doing it...

--Mike Tiefenbacher
The Comic Reader #190 (May-June 1981)

So close, Mike, and yet oh so far.

50,000,000 Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong, Can They?

The most important thing for you to understand is that I'm not a huge Elvis Presley fan. I respect what he accomplished. I think he was great at what he did. He recorded some songs I enjoy. But I would never identify myself as an Elvis "fan" the way I'm a fan of bands like Devo or Blue Oyster Cult.

Having SAID that...

A lot has been written about the imperfections of the current radio scene. To me, nothing speaks more to the uselessness of today's radio "formats" than the lack of Elvis Presley in what is labeled as "Classic Rock". Elvis has been called "The King of Rock 'n' Roll" longer than I've been alive. Yet, I've never, ever heard his music on a Classic Rock station. I suppose you COULD argue that Presley's truly iconic songs pre-date what is considered the "Classic Rock Era".

First, the "Classic Rock Era" is something invented by programmers, not a genuine movement. Any umbrella classification that covers the Moody Blues and Motley Crue equally, and counts them as part of the same thing is not something I can take even remotely seriously. Second, even if you consider Classic Rock a function of a certain period of time, Elvis still had plenty of fine songs during it. "Burning Love", anyone? "In The Ghetto"? "Kentucky Rain"? "Way Down"?

Some would charge that none of Presley's songs fit the Classic Rock mold. Maybe that's why they are omitted, but I still find it appalling. Classic Rock as it is currently defined encompasses heavy metal, psychedelic, glam, progressive, Southern rock, and dozens of quirky songs and genres. There is apparently plenty of room for all of this in Classic Rock.

But there's no place in Classic Rock for Elvis Presley.

No Signs Of Intelligent Life

One day at work, one of our TV's wouldn't come on. I was checking to see why and discovered that someone had plugged a power strip into itself.

That really speaks volumes, no?

DC Comics Classics Library : Flash of Two Worlds

I bought DC Comics Classics Library : Flash of Two Worlds as something of an experiment. The results were mixed.

I didn't really need this book, nor did I especially want it. It is a collection of the Silver Age team-ups of the Flashes of Earth-One and Earth-Two, which is ordinarily exactly the sort of thing that I am all aboard for. The one hitch is that all these stories had previously been reprinted in two softcover volumes of Crisis on Multiple Earths : The Team-Ups. Both of those books are relatively recent and still in print. They also offer additional team-ups stories besides the Flash tales, for a combined price that is LESS than this book.

There's also the matter of the solicitation copy. You can see it on DC's page for this title. Unless you are really into this sort of thing (like me!), you probably won't notice the problem. One of the team-up stories of the two Flashes is not included in the list of issues reprinted. It is a sort of borderline story, but I just couldn't believe it when I saw its omission. It is bad enough to publish a book that is both redundant and a bad deal, but compound that with making it incomplete, and I was flabbergasted.

Well, despite my reservations about this collection, I elected to purchase it. I like these stories, and I am eager to see DC put out more collections of these sort of comics. I chose to "take one for the team", and figured I could see what all the fuss is about regarding the DCCL books in the bargain. This was, I should hasten to add, prior to the Perez JLA book discussed on this very blog not long ago.

I turned out to be pleasantly surprised when I tore off the shrinkwrap. The solicitation was wrong. This is turning out to be rather common with DC's solicitations lately. The book is actually 160 pages, not 144. The story from #170 (the missing issue in question) was included after all. That means that the book includes all six Infantino-drawn Flash/Flash stories of the Silver Age. Nice save, DC.

UNFORTUNATELY, DC still made a goof with this book that I didn't notice until I sat down to read it closely. Several pages from The Flash #129's story have suffered art loss on the left margins. Some are just barely noticeable, while others lop off portions of the word balloons. This story is reproduced without this defect in the earlier Crisis book, so I am at a loss as to what happened here. It's not like this book is so thick that the art needed to be shifted to accommodate the spine.

Anyway, there is a one page introduction by Geoff Johns, and two pages of creator bios. All covers are included. The splash page for The Flash #137 has the original captions, rather than the altered ones that ran in the Crisis book. The reproduction looks fine as near as I can tell (other than the glaring error mentioned one paragraph ago), and I assume the paper stock is the same that they've been using in other Classics.

I think it was too soon to be publishing this book, with both Crisis books still in print. However, DC fixed the problems that I had with it from its original solicitation, and except for the art loss on one story, I think it's a well-packaged collection. If you don't already own these stories, or would simply like to upgrade them to a hardcover, I can mildly recommend this book. Just be aware of what you are getting into, and the fact that it's forty dollars for less than 200 pages.

Kaiju Kinema

I've been on the Internet almost nine years now, and during that time, I've launched a lot of different projects. Some have achieved varying levels of success, and others slipped quietly into obscurity. "Kaiju Kinema" was probably one of the most obscure of the latter bunch.

Back in the mid- to late 1990s, I worked with Ronnie Burton to translate the credits to dozens of Japanese monster and sci-fi movies. This joint research ultimately culminated in THE KAIJU DETECTIVE BOOK ONE, my only self-publishing venture apart from the regular OWARI numbering. THE KAIJU DETECTIVE is a topic for another day (and likely will be sometime next year), but that work planted the seeds for what I envisioned with "Kaiju Kinema".

I have 5 MB of free webspace from my ISP. When I set up the original "official OWARI site", I was trying to figure out what it should have. The Japanese film research seemed a natural, since it had been such a big part of my publishing efforts. The website would finally provide a low cost venue for information that just wasn't out there in English. It was a great way to make the OWARI site stand out.

The problem was that I had grown tired of pursuing the research on a regular basis. I had immersed myself in it for awhile, and I think I lost the enthusiasm that Ronnie had for it. Still, I forged ahead, determined to try to give my web presence some form of identity. I also developed a new name for this version of the project.

"The Kaiju Detective" is and was a perfectly fine name, but it was a name that I attached to the project because it was a nickname coined for Ronnie by G-Fan editor/publisher J.D. Lees. Though Ronnie would be duly credited for his massive contributions, he wouldn't be directly involved. I didn't feel right using what I considered "his" name, so I dreamed up a new one. "Kaiju Kinema" was the result.

To this day, I think "Kaiju Kinema" is an incredibly strong name. It works as creative spelling even if you aren't aware of Kinema Junpo magazine. In fact, if I'd thought of it in 1995, I daresay that my fanzine would have been named "Kaiju Kinema". Of course, I would've been screwed when the focus shifted away from primarily Japanese stuff. I'm just saying is all.

I added a Kaiju Kinema section to my website and even made it as far as uploading credit lists for one or two films. Then, it all stalled. I had a lot of things competing for my attention, and Kaiju Kinema never felt like a high priority. I eventually junked the whole thing. I've made a couple of attempts to revive it since then, but nothing that amounted to much.

It's sort of weird that I've so completely lost my passion for what was once the chief vehicle for my fannish pursuits. The immediacy of the whole thing has been diminished significantly as the years have passed, now that many of the Japanese cuts of these films are widely available on DVD in the West. Those DVDs will often include comprehensive translations of the credits. Our "guide" isn't as exotic as it once was.

I won't deny that it was fun times though. You get your kicks where you can find them.

If you're interested in a database far larger than I could have ever managed, there is just such a Japanese site. It might take you some time to translate things, but trust me, that can be part of the fun. It is the truly wonderfully named Gojira-Tokusatsu SIGHT (sic).

The 2007 Legion of Heroes Reunion

The 2007 Legion of Heroes Reunion
by Chris Elam

(DISCLAIMER : The following story is non-canonical, and probably ghost-written by the spirit of Bob Haney!)

Dateline : MAJOR CITY - In light of the recent interest in their past exploits, former Legion of Heroes leader Ferro Man called up his old arch-nemesis the Black Terror and proposed a joint reunion of the Legion of Heroes and the Legion of Villains. It didn't take long for the Black Terror to warm to the idea, and the wheels were quickly set in motion.

"The time just seemed right," Ferro Man explained. "There've been a few hints of revival before, but this is the most attention the Legion has gotten in over 20 years! I mean, obviously we're not going to be headlining our own title or anything, but this way we can satisfy the new fans while giving back to everybody who made the old days so much fun. Sort of like Duran Duran's reunion tours, except good."

The Black Terror agreed. "Speaking just for the villains, we thought it'd be a blast!" he enthused. "We had so much fun back then - rampages, sinister laughing, just being all around bad eggs. Of course, we were baked half of the time - using the Conqueror's helmet for a bong, it was hard not to be! We'd have a big blowout and then go out and ambush the Legion of Heroes when it was done. You can't buy good times like those!"

The reunion was designed to be an all-inclusive affair, which presented a problem for the Legion of Villains alumni. Their membership had been so loosely-defined that no one was quite sure who actually belonged to the group. For example, had the giant alternately known as Klaytron and Slaytron ever really been a member? Bird Man was charged with delivering invitations to all of the former baddies he could find. "It was hell!" he exclaimed. "How do you go about finding other-dimensional entities like the Claw and the Evil Eye? They aren't exactly in the phone book! D10 was moonlighting as the take-out screen at the Jack-In-The-Box around the corner from my house, but not everyone was so easy to find. And Zero Wolf! Hoo boy, we weren't even sure if they were going to let him in the hotel for the get-together. Fortunately, Blue Square and Sting Bee convinced the staff that he was house-broken."

Though the heroes had been a shade better organized than their foes, they felt it only right to invite some of their trusted allies as well. Among their honored guests were the Exploding Man and the alien hero Aeyear, both of whom had distinguished themselves in assisting the Legion. But perhaps the biggest surprise of the entire evening came with the arrival of Reddy, Red Circle's one-time boy sidekick.

"Reddy was reluctant to attend," Elastic Man said. "After all, the act had broken up years ago. I finally talked him into it, and BOY, you could just see the grin on the Circle's face even through his mask when the little guy walked through the door. In no time at all, they were yukking it up and trading noogies and wedgies. I'm smelling a comeback for those two if they stay in touch."

There was a bit of a ruckus later in the evening due to the antics of a few members of the Secret Society. Their inclusion in the festivities had rankled some Legion members in the first place. "Man, those guys!" Mr. Tough fumed. "We cross universes ONE TIME to save their bacon, and they're forever pestering us for team-ups afterward. What are we, a superhero group or a charity?"

"Oh, don't mind Toughy," Muscle Man dismissed. "He's just bitter because he's a second-stringer himself. Most of the Society guys are swell. Bat Eater and I were roommates in college, for crying out loud, and you'd never meet a nicer guy. Plus, and most people forget this, I was part of the first version of the team with Avenging X and Aeyear before it broke up. X and I joined the Legion shortly afterward, but the Society has a special place in my heart."

"Yeah, my brother Black X formed the second Society and moved it to a parallel Earth," Avenging X explained. "Unfortunately, most of the guys he got to sign up were the, er, misfits of the old gang. Look, Conehead and I were in the same fraternity - GO DELTAS! - and I love him to death, but the guy's just odd."

As it turned out, the same could be said of many of Conehead's teammates. Whether it was Octopus Man boring Black Knight with tales of his new gig as a goalie in a professional soccer league or Redman annoying Neutro so badly that he threatened to write himself out of continuity, some of the Society members contributed to the least memorable portions of the proceedings. Finally, it all came to a head as the hired band plodded through an uninspired rendition of "Baker Street".

"It was that shape-shifter guy whose name nobody remembers," commented Force Field. "He's already obnoxious, and adding in roaringly drunk just makes for an unbeatable combo. He ended up passing out in the middle of the refreshment table and that just ENRAGED the Viking. It took both Unknown Man and Sherman Tank to hold that Nordic nut back. Car Man loaded the chameleonic jerk into his trunk and drove him home. Good riddance."

For his part, the Viking only had this to say : "FORSOOTH, THERE IS NOTHING THE VIKING ENJOYS MORE THAN CHEESE DOODLES, AND THOU ART SPILLING THEM ON THE FLOOR??!!?? I SAY THEE NAY!!!!!!"

There was another brief hiccup in the evening, and that was when an uninvited hero crashed the proceedings. "My creepy ex-boyfriend Brickman," groaned Amazing Girl. "I told him we were over after he deserted me while we were fighting the Purple People Eater. But does he listen? NO!"

"But it's OK," she smiled. "Muscle Woman, ahem, ejected him in such a way that even his magic bricks couldn't help. Now I just need to wipe my phone number and e-mail address from his memory."

Despite these minor (and perhaps inevitable) potholes, most of the attendees declared the evening a success. "Yeah, definitely very memorable," said Ferro Man, who was wearing an extremely tiny party hat. "We need to see about doing something like this again, or maybe even staging an inter-team battle."

"I'm game!" a clearly toasted Black Terror announced as he turned and punched the hero in the jaw. This touched off a fierce post-reunion hero/villain skirmish that wrecked the hotel and was agreed by all to be the highlight of the evening. After it was over, Ferro Man and Black Terror shook hands and embraced, laughing the whole time.

It was just like the old days.

---



As you might recall, I did some giftart for my friend Sara in 2007. I posted that pic on my blog back in May. As I mentioned there, I had been intending to do a big picture like that all along, but my original idea had been to do a Legion of Heroes "reunion". I was so pleased with the outcome of Sara's picture that I decided I would do that reunion picture. And of course, things snowballed from there.

My original intention was to only depict the Legion members and perhaps a few of their villains. But I found myself adding more and more characters - the Secret Society guys, to name seven - until I wound up with 36. THIRTY-SIX! Clearly, I am mad.

As if to prove my absolute insanity, I subsequently posted a series of 24 inked pictures that depicted the 30 characters that hadn't already gotten the updated treatment on dA. I probably won't post every single one of those here, but I may provide links so interested parties can check them out. 2007 was a very fertile period in terms of generating artwork of my stable of characters.

Your key to the cast of characters :

1. Blue Square
2. The Claw
3. Sting Bee
4. Conehead
5. Brickman
6. The Evil Eye
7. The Purple People Eater
8. Klaytron/Slaytron
9. The Black Terror
10. Octopus Man
11. "that shape-shifter guy whose name nobody remembers" (Chameleon? "Carm"?)
12. Bat Eater
13. Ferro Man
14. The Avenging X
15. Unknown Man
16. Bird Man
17. The Exploding Man
18. Elastic Man
19. Reddy
20. Red Circle
21. Black Knight
22. Muscle Man
23. Muscle Woman
24. Amazing Girl
25. Car Man
26. Redman
27. Black X
28. Zero Wolf
29. Force Field
30. The Conqueror
31. The Viking
32. Sherman Tank
33. D10
34. Aeyear
35. Mr. Tough
36. Neutro

Thanks to everyone who has supported the Legion and their friends over the years. And thank you to all the readers of OWARI. There's more to come, so stay tuned!