Tuesday, June 8, 2010

History, Revised : The Caesar Salad

The Caesar Salad has been the source of many spurious tales through the years. The actual story is quite fascinating and deserves to be told.

The Caesar Salad is named for its inventor, the Roman Emperor Julius Caesar. It is not commonly known that Caesar was an absolute connoisseur when it came to the matters of green leafy vegetables. Since the majority of his time was consumed with the day-to-day business of running a vast empire, he chose to keep his burgeoning salad business a secret. Considering subsequent events, this bit of caution may have been his undoing.

It is widely believed that Caesar was slain due to internal politics. Actually, it was the professional jealousy of his "good friend" Brutus. Brutus had entered the catering business after the breakup of his band the Ides Of March (they had been unable to follow up the smashing success of the song "Vehicle"), but was stymied in his efforts by the Not Caesar's Catering Service. A late night break-in at his rival's headquarters, subsequently revealed by informant Aurelius Sexius, brought the truth to light.

Brutus' plan was cunning and simple. One sabotaged Salad Shooter later, Julius Caesar was no more. As the Romans gathered to pay homage to their fallen emperor and pray to the great god Popeil, one wiseacre piped up and said, "I have not come to bury Caesar or to praise him - but to get that damn salad recipe!"

This touched off days of burning and pillaging. When it was all said and done, an unknown ruffian had absconded with the recipe and proceeded to bootleg it far and wide. Thus, the Caesar Salad went down in the annals of history while its true source remained forgotten. Until now, that is.

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