The Fear

If you have been following the OWARI blog from the beginning (not applicable to my FB and LJ feeds, sorry), you may have noticed that I have only exceeded 20 entries for a month once. That was 22 in March 2009, the third month of the blog's existence. Since then, I've never even hit 20. Until today.

This has not been an accident. Part of this is because I have a perhaps irrational fear that I will burn through a bunch of good material quickly, and then be stuck trying to figure out content for the blog. That was part of the problem for the next 3 months after that 22 post flurry. But only part of it.

I also have a definitely irrational fear that going over 20 is indicative that something is wrong with my personal life and I'm compensating. I even expressed this to a friend a few months ago, saying, "If I go over 20 in a month, you might want to get worried." This has its roots in what was happening in my life away from the creative side of things in 2009, because things WERE wrong and I WAS compensating. Since then, I've had a quiet dread that if hit the 20 entry mark, I was jinxing myself.

Well, today I am casting aside this notion by posting this entry - the 20th for July 2010. I may even manage another for the month. I'd rather not let my efforts here be manipulated by something that clearly has no bearing on reality, especially as OWARI will be getting more attention than ever now that the ROJ story is finished.

What I don't want is to be one of those blogs that starts out with a flourish of activity and a huge volume of posts and then tails off as it gradually dies. You've seen that blog. I've seen that blog. And while I don't know how long this forum will last in the long run, I don't want it to be that blog. I'd prefer to be consistent and build an audience (such as it is) gradually instead of going for the gusto and then losing interest.

So, hello. This is the 20th entry of the month. How are you?