Some 2009 Leftovers

In lieu of a new entry, I've put together a collection of one-liners (and two-liners) that were posted elsewhere in 2009.

*I'm being attacked by offers from potential mail order brides! Send help!

*I know way more about Peter Cannon, Thunderbolt than can possibly be healthy.

*Christopher Elam is outside your window. Right now.

*Managed to get a wrench jammed through my tire while driving this morning. Oh life, you are full of excitement.

*I don't trust my new friend Miss Nancy. "My name is nancy,i saw your profile today at www.spraygraphic.com and became intrested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an email to my emailaddress so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am. Remeber the distance or colour doesnot matter but love matters alot in life."

*Every night, I smell apples. There are no apples here. Is this what it's like to go insane?

*So, I dozed off and had a dream where a glitch created a small field of anti-gravity in front of my computer . That is an interesting form of pseudo-science you got going there, subconscious.

*Corn chips count as vegetables, right?

*Just in case one of those guys running around Lake Charles who looks just like me is mugging someone right now, I'd like to say that I wouldn't say no to some delicious pancakes. (Some background.)

*Intellectually, I know Cheese Puff Corn is basically one step removed from flavored packing peanuts, but it's still damn tasty.

*Misread a church sign as saying "You don't have to feel lust." Pretty sure I do.

*I bought trading cards today. What is this, 1992?

*"Ronnie Jetman"? Random person on the Internet, what in the world motivated that particular search?

*...Did I mention I had to call 911 as I was driving home because there were two horses running free down the middle of the road? After dark, mind you. Country life, you are so amazing sometimes.

*"A maniac with a lot of knowledge is a threat." (from THE BRAINIAC)

*The only thing I remember well from the 1980s is rap song lyrics. This is both troubling and hilarious.


And also for you music lovers!

Christopher Elam...

...is your favorite foreign movie

...thinks "Come On Eileen" is another song that is "incomprehensible at any speed."

...admits it - I'm the one who left the cake out in the rain. Sorry.

...just had his mother explain the membership of the Black-Eyed Peas to him. What?

...suggests that all of you avoid Grand Funk Railroad's cover of "Gimme Shelter".

...needs fifty dollars to make you holler.

...thinks this song is about him!

...woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand.

...thought the major was a lady suffragette.

...feels like a bullet (in the gun of Robert Ford).

...heard the Worst Radio Edit Ever today. Who would've guessed the victim would be Neil Sedaka?

...would walk 500 miles, but not 500 more. That's right out.

...grabbed the piano player and I punched him in the face!

...His name is Ted. Can you believe that?


OWARI will return when the weather returns to something approaching normal. Stay tuned!