Tuesday, November 2, 2010

History, Revised : The Clinton Presidency

No one quite knew what to expect when George Clinton was elected the 42nd President of the United States on the newly-formed P-Funk ticket. In fact, his campaign promises mainly centered on two goals : 1) "tearing the roof off the sucker" and 2) "giving up the funk". However, during his two terms, Clinton is credited with truly turning the country into one nation under a groove.

Perhaps the most challenging times during the Clinton years were the attacks by America's enemies. Yes, it was very, very frightening when the forces of Sir Nose D’Voidoffunk launched an assault on the country's interests. However, Secretary of Defense Starchild, working with newly-appointed Surgeon General Dr. Funkenstein, "brought the noise" with the Pentagon's newest and deadliest weapon, the Bop Gun. As a related matter, the flashlight industry's stock prices went through the roof.

After overcoming what he termed the maggot brain of his political foes, Clinton achieved the much sought-after Mothership Connection that brought peace and harmony via Funkentelechy to all. Upon completing his second term, he retired to Florida with his dog Atomic and his staff of P-Funk All-Stars. They perform music as Parliament, Funkadelic, and whatever other names they want, baby.

Vice-President Bootsy Collins was asked for comment on this article, but protested that he and his Rubber Band were too busy conducting a search for the fabled monster Bootzilla.

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