Jimmy Olive: “Handsome” Jimmy Olive is one of the more colorful characters prowling the streets of the Minors in Major City. Known for his flamboyant attire, Handsome Jimmy professes that he loves “the ladies” and “kickin’ booty” (though not at the same time). He is also one of the most reliable informants in town for those seeking a hot tip.
Bobbi Prize: Roberta Prize (though usually just “Bobbi Prize”) is the ne’er-do-well older sister of Roxanne (Firegirl) Prize. Though she shares her sister’s stunning attractiveness, Bobbi is not quite as motivated to do the right thing as her sibling. To be frank, she’s a con artist, always on the look-out for a new angle. The sisterly love between Bobbi and Roxanne is strong, but their relationship has been strained through the years due to Bobbi’s occasionally unscrupulous antics.
Kimber Rachelle: Kimber Rachelle (born Kimberly Rachelle Hackendorf) is a glamorous film starlet who got roped into the world of superheroes quite by accident. Cast as the heroine in Ivan Walters’ big budget movie The Ghost Kingdom, Kimber had no idea her big break would also lead to her being targeted by mad scientist Dr. Sandor Varkoff when he unleashed the robot Elektroid on the set. It was ultimately Kimber who swayed Elektroid enough to break his programming and turn against Varkoff. Kimber has remained close to Elektroid since then, even as she has risen to international stardom. She refers to him as her “special friend.”
Archie Richter: Archie Richter is one of the top mob bosses in Major City. Between law enforcement and rival gangsters, maintaining a grip on his rackets is no easy task in the largest city in the nation. To make matters worse, instead of avoiding superheroes, he has chosen to tackle them head-on with little success. There has been persistent grumbling in his organization that it might be time for a change at the top. For that to happen, someone will have to dare trying to rub out the seemingly-untouchable Archie Richter.
Buddy Roswell: Buddy Roswell is known in most circles as “Major City’s Angriest Citizen.” It often seems he doesn’t have a good word for ANYONE. Buddy isn’t evil; he’s just a miserable person. He also subscribes to just about every conspiracy theory known to man. He has denounced Captain Satellite as trying to control his mind through “sub-ether radio transmission” (whatever that is).
Scary Metal People: The Scary Metal People are one of the richest and most esteemed rock groups in history. Unsurprisingly, they are also a bunch of nutters.
Scary Metal People lead guitarist, vocalist, and de facto leader Arthur Crudlip first came into the public eye as “Arthur Shoe Leather,” using the gimmick of a singing shoeshine boy. He scored a smash hit on the U.K. music charts with his debut record, “Shine Your Shoes (For Tupence).” Subsequent releases under the Shoe Leather moniker were unsuccessful, and Crudlip abandoned both it and the act itself, later calling that phase of his career “a giant cock-up.”
Left to his own devices (a dangerous proposition if there ever was one), Crudlip recruited Smythe Niblett (rhythm guitar), Geoffrey Toober (bass), and Nigel Null (drums) to form a band. This quartet dubbed themselves “The Scary Metal People” for reasons which are lost in a drunken haze, and went on to perform in the sessions that led to the Scary Metal People's classic debut album Wampeter For Trouble. Among the favorites on this strong maiden effort are “The Bees That Sting Me (Ouch)” (“Beeeeeeees are upon me/And they're stiiiiiiiinging”), “Big Ol' Brain” (“MY BRAIN!” x 6), and “Kill Them All And Fall Asleep” (unintelligible except for the chorus).
The line-up of the Scary Metal People (gleefully dubbed “The World's Most Obnoxious Band” by the rock press) has remained intact and unchanged since their formation, unusual for such a durable group and downright confounding considering their often peculiar life choices. They have recently been on tour promoting their latest album, Billion Pound Bootblack, and its single, the fourth new version of “Shine Your Shoes (For Tupence)” in the Scary Metal People's catalog. Crudlip insists that the album's title is a reference to all the money he has generated through his music career, and not to his burgeoning waistline.
During one particular stop of their tour, at the Indigo Mollusk in Major City, the Scary Metal People were attacked by one-time associate Zoragaza the Mystic. Fortunately, the Blue Behemoth was attending the show and subdued the mad magician with the aid of his allies in the Invincible Alliance. Grateful for the save, the Scary Metal People invited the Alliance to appear on-stage with them two months later at a benefit show organized by Paul Mann and Pat August at Miles Major Memorial Stadium. Blue Behemoth (playing guitar on his custom-made Fender Stratocaster), Drone Man (keyboards), Ultimate American (cowbell), Firegirl (tambourine), and Elektroid (triangle) accompanied the Scary Metal People on the brand-new song Crudlip wrote especially for the performance, “Wizards Are Wankers.”
SELECTED DISCOGRAPHY: Wampeter For Trouble, Matzahs Moody, Hardcore Bragging, Wreckful, Beware The Bowered Blowfly, Sextain Tacit, Hyena Thwack!, Peskier, Dazzled By The Microdot, Billion Pound Bootblack
Mondo Style: Mondo Style (obviously not his real name) is one of the more famous professional wrestlers of the last 25 years. He thought it would be fabulous publicity to challenge Blue Behemoth to a “superhero vs. wrestler” match for one of his grappling group's pay-per-view events. Deciding to “forget” the pre-planned outcome, he went into business for himself during the “contest,” and BB taught him a lesson in humility that was an entertainment bargain for fans everywhere.
3 weeks ago