McDonaldland

There was a day a few years ago when I was unaccountably thinking a lot about McDonaldland. Here are a few random thoughts I had:

• Has the Hamburglar ever been convicted?
  
  
• Everyone wants to know what the hell Grimace is. I want to know this: Why does he have that name when he is always smiling?
  
  
• Are there more hamburger-headed people, or are Mayor McCheese and Big Mac the only ones?
  
  
• Speaking of Mayor McCheese, why is he the mayor when the WHOLE PLACE is named after Ronald McDonald?
  
  
• Did the Professor create the Fry Guys or something?
  
  
• Whatever happened to Captain Crook anyway?
  
  
• Is it wrong to want to suffocate Birdy the Early Bird?
  
  

...And so on. Actually, the whole hamburger-headed people thing is pretty weird when you think about it. Like, if I had a hamburger-head, I might be a self-cannibal. That would be hard to explain at parties.

"Chris, have you been eating part of your head again?"

"...Maybe."

It would go downhill from there.