Sunday, September 12, 2010

My World : The Scary Metal People

The Scary Metal People are one of the richest and most esteemed rock groups in history. Unsurprisingly, they are also a bunch of nutters.

Scary Metal People lead guitarist, vocalist, and de facto leader Arthur Crudlip first came into the public eye as "Arthur Shoe Leather", using the gimmick of a singing shoeshine boy. He scored a smash hit on the U.K. music charts with his debut record, "Shine Your Shoes (For Tupence)". Subsequent releases under the Shoe Leather moniker were unsuccessful, and Crudlip abandoned both it and the act itself, later calling that phase of his career "a giant cock-up".

Left to his own devices (a dangerous proposition if there ever was one), Crudlip recruited Smythe Niblett (rhythm guitar), Geoffrey Toober (bass), and Nigel Null (drums) to form a band. This quartet dubbed themselves "The Scary Metal People" for reasons which are lost in a drunken haze, and went on to perform in the sessions that led to the Scary Metal People's classic debut album Wampeter For Trouble. Among the favorites on this strong maiden effort are "The Bees That Sting Me (Ouch)" ("Beeeeeeees are upon me/And they're stiiiiiiiinging") "Big Ol' Brain" ("MY BRAIN!" x 6), and "Kill Them All And Fall Asleep" (unintelligible except for the chorus).

The line-up of the Scary Metal People (gleefully dubbed "The World's Most Obnoxious Band" by the rock press) has remained intact and unchanged since their formation, unusual for such a durable group and downright confounding considering their often peculiar life choices. They have recently been on tour promoting their latest album, Billion Pound Bootblack and its single, the fourth new version of "Shine Your Shoes (For Tunpence)" in the Scary Metal People's catalog. Crudlip insists that the album's title is a reference to all the money he has generated through his music career, and not to his burgeoning waistline.

During one particular stop of their tour, at the Indigo Mollusk in Major City, the Scary Metal People were attacked by one-time associate Zoragaza the Mystic. Fortunately, the Blue Behemoth was attending the show and subdued the mad magician with the aid of his allies in the Invincible Alliance. Grateful for the save, the Scary Metal People invited the Alliance to appear on-stage with them two months later at a benefit show organized by Paul Mann and Pat August at Miles Major Memorial Stadium. Blue Behemoth (playing guitar on his custom-made Fender Stratocaster), Drone Man (keyboards), Ultimate American (cowbell), Firegirl (tambourine), and Elektroid (triangle) accompanied the Scary Metal People on the brand-new song Crudlip wrote especially for the performance, "Wizards Are Wankers".

Wampeter For Trouble
Matzahs Moody
Hardcore Bragging
Beware The Bowered Blowfly
Sextain Tacit
Hyena Thwack!
Dazzled By The Microdot
Billion Pound Bootblack

I first ran across the term "scary metal people" in the magazine Hero Special Edition : The 100 Most Important Comics of All Time! (Warrior Publications; May 1994). It appears in a write-up for Brain Boy #6, and if this confuses you, rest assured that comic is not on the list. No, it shows up in a feature on "The Doofiest Books of All". None of the individual pieces in this article are credited, which is a pity. An inquiry to Frank Kurtz, one-time editor of the main Hero Illustrated yielded the possibility that it may have been Special Edition editor Mike Stokes who penned the review that added "scary metal people", "wampeter for trouble", and "MY BRAIN!" to my personal in-joke lexicon.

Anyway, as you've certainly guessed, I found "scary metal people" inexplicably hilarious. I used it as part of the title of my old GreatestJournal account, and even filled out a "make a band with your friends" LiveJournal quiz where I utilized it as the name of my fake band. The latter supplied many of the album titles listed above, though I freely mixed and matched the words for my own devious purposes.

In coloring in the world of Captain Satellite, I thought it would be funny to take the plunge and make the Scary Metal People into a "real" band. After all, I had been saying for years prior to the LJ quiz that it would be a great name for a band. This profile incorporates a number of notions that I thought would be humorous and help the Scary Metal People better fit into the wild and wacky world of super-doings.

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